JoyRide
by BloodHound666
Summary: Undead Driving School...BUCKLE UP


No one did anything like this so I took it upon myself

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In the bowels of the Hellsing manor, the familiar tall, dark figure was sitting in its chair, enjoying a glass of wine.

"Hello Walter." The figure said without moving. "What brings you down here?"

"Just seeing if you needed anything?" Replied Walter in his usual tone.

"Walter, I am capable of taking care of my needs. Now why are you here?"

"I have a favor to ask." Alucard turned and raised an eyebrow.

"A favor, what would you need from me?"

I don't need anything, young Miss Hellsing is the one that requires your assistance."

"So why doesn't she ask me herself?'

"Well it is an unusual request, even for a Hellsing."

Alucard took a sip of vine, seemingly uninterested.

"And what would this unusual request be?"

Walter cleared his throat. "Miss Hellsing wants to learn to drive."

Alucard nearly spit out the wine he was drinking.

"Drive, where did that come from? Can't you hire a chauffer?"

Walter cleared his throat again.

"She saw a movie, and I already tried, but she doesn't want a chauffer."

"I'm sure you have enough connections to get her a license."

"She already has her license, but she wants to learn to drive…like they do in the movie."

Alucard scoffed. "Which movie?"

"The Italian Job." Replied Walter.

Alucard took another sip of wine. "If my memory serves me right, you still know how to drive." Walter chuckled.

"True, but unlike you, I am not immortal."

Alucard grinned. "Don't tell me the Angel of Death is scared of a little girl's driving."

Walter grinned and cleaned his monocle. 

"Not afraid, merely want to be there to make sure you don't try anything…funny."

Alucard chuckled at the remark.

"Funny, you know I would never try anything…'funny', but I will comply and teach the young Hellsing the joys of the open road."

"Actually I would like you to teach her that driving is not all it's cracked up to be."

A wicked grin spread across both their faces.

"When?" Asked Alucard.

"Tonight, midnight."  With that, Walter left, Alucard to his already half empty bottle.

Later on, at about five after midnight, Integral was pacing in the driveway, looking impatient. Suddenly she stopped pacing, and looked up. "You're late."

Alucard bowed slightly. "My apologies Master, I lost the track of time."

"Enough, we need to get started." Integral pointed behind Alucard at the car they would use; it was a Mini, and exact replica as the one in the movie. Alucard shook his head.

"No, no, no. A Mini, of all the automobiles, you picked a Mini."

"HEY! I happen to like the car, and it is one of the most popular in England." Integral replied a little angry.

"No offense, Miss Hellsing, but it is not exactly my…size."

Integral looked at the car than at Alucard, if he lay down beside the car, he might even be longer than the car itself.

"Ok, what do you suggest, oh great Alucard?" Integral asked mockingly.

"I'm glad you asked Sir Integral." Replied Alucard with the same mocking tone.

A second later, behind the corner of the mansion, pulled up a new, black Aston Martin DB7, modified of course; Walter behind the wheel.

"We'll use that." Alucard pointed. Walter got out of the car, and walked over to the pair.

"I have taken the liberty of having the car, slightly modified, least to say."

"Shall we?" Asked the vampire, motioning Integral. She looked at him, than walked over to the car and got in, readjusted the seat and all the mirrors. As soon as she was all ready, Alucard appeared in the seat next to her.

"Ready." This time, she grinned at him.

Integral shifted into first, than slammed on the gas, releasing the clutch a second later, making the tires squeal and the car fish-tail. The car sped past Walter, than through the open gates, and onto the empty street. Alucard wasn't fazed at all by the exceedingly dangerous driving, even after a few blocks, and at least two near collisions with unmoving cars. Another couple of blocks and Integral lost control of the car, after coming over a wet patch; the car spun out of control and Alucard stopped it telekinetically. Integral was holding onto the wheel, shocked but not showing the extent of it.

"Integral!" She turned towards the vampire.

"Are you ok?"

I'm fine, I just…" Alucard interrupted her, before she could finish.

"Would you like me to show you how it's supposed to be done?"

Integral gave him a doubtful look.

"You doubt my ability?" Asked Alucard, with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"No, I just smell alcohol on your breath." She replied calmly and Alucard grinned.

"Don't worry little one, alcohol doesn't have as strong an effect on vampires as it does on humans."

"And that's supposed to be reassuring." This time, Alucard just grinned in reply, than disappeared. Suddenly Integral found herself sitting in Alucard's lap.

"Hey what do you think you're doing?"

"No need to get excited young Mrs." Alucard, than, gently lifted her and transferred her into the passenger seat. 

"Damn English and their driver seat on the wrong side." Muttered Alucard as he was readjusting the seat. 

"What was that Alucard?"

"Nothing Mrs. Hellsing, are you ready?"

Before she could reply, he reversed, than spun the car around and peeled out, gluing Integral to her seat.

"You might want to buckle up." Alucard said a little amused.

"Thanks for the warning." Integral replied annoyed, her seatbelt already buckled.

Alucard drove like a true professional, avoiding obstacles by mere inches, in the last second. He was watching Integral every time he pulled a dangerous maneuver to see if she would flinch or yell out, but so far nothing; even after nearly hitting a mother and her child she did not react. 

_Scared Master?_ His voice sounded mocking even in her head.

_Of what?_ She replied calmly.

_I can see you clutching your seat._

_I don't want to fall out._

_What about the rest of you, I can sense fear you know._

Integral turned and looked at him, he wasn't looking where he was going, instead he was staring at her, but the rest of his body was doing all the driving.

_Shouldn't you be watching where you're going?_

_Why are you changing the subject, I can still sense something…_

_Why don't you sense this?_ Integral gave him the finger, mentally, of course; that kind of behavior was not fitting a lady such as herself. Alucard laughed a loud, bordering maniacal laugh.

_So her Lady's true colors finally shine through._

_Oh shut up Alucard. _

He said nothing more, just concentrated on the road, at least for a next few minutes.

_Come on Master, just a little scream._

_I will not give you the satisfaction, vampire._

Alucard grinned even more, than started driving even more dangerously, but Integral's only reaction was grabbing the door handle tighter and tighter every time the car was near hitting something, or someone. After Alucard concluded that he had scared Integral enough, even though he didn't get the satisfaction of seeing or hearing her completely terrified, he headed back to the manor. The car pulled up at the front door, where Walter waited patiently; as the car stopped, he opened the door, to let Integral out. She carefully stepped out of the car, her knees weak, and her heartbeat slightly irregular.

"Mrs. Hellsing, how was the drive?" Walter asked politely; he got a slightly dirty look.

"Walter, tomorrow, hire a chauffer, and get a slower, more comfortable car." She turned her attention to Alucard.

"You, I don't want to see you near, let alone inside a car, again, ever. Is that clear?'

The vampire bowed, hiding his wicked grin.

"As you wish…my Master." He mockingly emphasized the last part.

Integral walked inside, her steps a little shaky, her face an emotionless mask.

"I take it the lesson went well." Walter said slightly amused.

Alucard chuckled. "Not as well as I had hoped."

"I see." Walter extended his gloved hand; Alucard reached in his pocket, pulled out small wad of cash, and handed it to Walter; he counted it and slipped it in his pocket.

"Couldn't get her to do it could you?"

"Nope, she is a woman of steel." Walter walked into the mansion, and Alucard disappeared into shadows, chuckling to himself.

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Before anyone says anything about 'The Italian Job' the original movie was released back in the day, starring Michael Caine. As for the ooc problem, it couldn't be helped. 

Disclaimer: *the finger* **SUE ME!**


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